A totally unbiased and totally factual deep dive into the best gift of the season.

Photo: Hanno Lans via Wikimedia Commons

Our regular columnist Molly Quell has taken a deep dive into a very important and topical issue. Which kruidnoten they are the best?

I have written about my love for kruidnoten prior to. (And I expressed my outrage that these delicious snacks are only available in the winter months.) But this year, I wanted to do some investigative work and determine, once and for all, which brand of kruidnoten it is the most delicious.

(Look, honestly, there are a lot fewer ‘Santa elves dressed as minstrels’ this year, so I had to find something else to write about for my December column.)

The proof
Here are the brands I have on my hands:

alberto heijn
Jumbo
delft van
Hema
Bolletje

Plus some of a fancy pants bakery in Utrecht.

Because I’m unruly, I also grabbed the tompuce-seasoned kruidnoten of the Hema and dip disco cutlery that caused a stir on Twitter last month.

Also, I only bought the chocolate covered ones because those are obviously superior to the non-chocolate covered ones and besides, it’s my column and I’ll do what I want.

Mysterious hand ruining the experiment photo

The experiment

I’m a professional Twitter troll journalist, not a scientist, so I enlisted the help of my rocket scientist husband (he really is) to set up the test parameters. I also recruited a friend to join, mainly because she was already at my house when I realized the deadline for this column was fast approaching.

A few plates, some Post-Its, and several bags of kruidnoten later and we had a completely rigorous scientific experiment. So we just, well, we ate the kruidnoten and decided when one tasted the best.

It goes without saying that as kruidnoten they are a Dutch delight, I ran this experiment with two real Dutchmen: three, if you can, the pitbull lurking in the background.

He stared at us the whole time.

(Don’t worry, we didn’t give him chocolate and instead gave him lots of sweets to assuage his disappointment.)

The results

The fancy bakery pricies were the clear winners by a wide, wide margin. (District in Utrecht if you want to try them for yourself. They also do a great chai latte).

However, I felt that I was an unfair winner. Of course the artisan product, GMO free, handmade, sustainably sourced, fair trade, organic, all natural, BPA free, locally produced. kruidnoten* tastes better. Everything tastes better like this. (If for no other reason than the marketing folks have convinced us that they know better.)

These babies are too expensive to throw handfuls at toddlers, so they may not be the real winners.

*drumroll please*

Bolletje

Turns out it’s worth paying a bit more to upgrade to the non-generic brand. Surprisingly, however, the fanciest of supermarket brands, Van Delft, was universally hated. They were noticeably smaller than the other cookies and also had a strange, slightly bitter taste.

Hema took out the winner among the own brands, followed by Albert Heijn and Jumbo.

Yet the country’s most beloved brand should be canceled for the atrocity of its tompuce-seasoned kruidnoten. To be clear, the tompuce beer is objectively worse. But please, Hema, I beg you, enough of this. tompuce additions to the regular good. tompouce It’s delicious! Let it be delicious on its own!

the remains

publish script

The day after completing this experiment, I visited my mother-in-law who had the Coop brand kruidnoten and could they have been better? Maybe I’ll have to come back to this topic next year.

*The bakery makes neither of these claims.

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